I’ve noticed a lot of changes in myself since turning fifty. Thinning hair. Splitting nails. Sleeplessness. Brain fog. I was as prepared as any peri-menopausal woman could be, but not as prepared for other shifts. When a woman hears about turning 50, you hear about all the physical symptoms that come with it. But what I wasn’t prepared for was a change in my values.
Up to this point in my life, I have been the typical Type-A: a high stress, rigidly organized, ambitious, competitive, impatient, over-achieving multi-tasker. And if anyone labeled me a Type-A I considered it a compliment. Now, however, at midlife I find myself a bit, well, unambitious. Maybe even a tad under-achieving. It seems that 50 has demoted me from an A to a B, and I have to admit, I don’t mind. I seem to be morphing into a nicer, gentler version of my former self. I wonder though, is this actually a midlife crisis, or is the crisis actually over?
British researchers studying symptoms of midlife crisis found a few of the typical crisis stereotypes in their subjects: looking up old flames on Facebook; buying a Harley or Corvette, taking up extreme sports or activities, flirting with people 20 years younger. But interestingly, they also found several more subtle indicators: many midlifers, like me, are ready to leave the Type-A life behind. Participants in their research yearned for a simpler life. They would rather spend money on other people than on things. They would rather grow a vegetable garden than a career. They are much less worried about competing and more interested in enjoying the moment.
All of this was beginning to sound very familiar. I have been salivating over seed catalogs this winter, diagraming my spring garden. Friends are climbing up the success ladder while I wave happily from the bottom. Just this week a dear friend – who’s 10 years younger – explained she just had to move up from her too-small 3000 square foot two-story. I moved to the country this year to a house I would have to describe as, well, not exactly a step up – more of a step out. I have purged more possessions in the last year than probably the last ten years combined, and I still feel like have too much stuff. I’m on the verge of becoming a minimalist! Yesterday, I was even searching pygmy goats on the internet. I don’t even like animals! If you would have told me five years ago I’d be flipping through seed catalogs and yearning for a pygmy goat, I’d have told you to shut the f up. And to top it all off, I can’t tell you how many people have referred to me lately as “nice.”
Nice? Me? I’m never been described as nice exactly. Driven, yes. Aloof, definitely. But nice? Not so much. Is this a midlife crisis, or a midlife miracle? While some mid-lifers act out, succumbing to a Harley or an affair, others turn inward. I guess I’m an innie and not an outie. Maybe it’s all the mindfulness books I’ve been reading lately. Maybe it’s the compounded hormones I’ve been taking. All I know is I’m a calmer, gentler version of my former A self. Perhaps I’ve just mellowed with age. The researchers say that the midlife crisis is temporary, but I hope mine lasts. My husband prays it does. Just get me my pygmy goat and nobody gets hurt. At least it’s cheaper than a Harley.
Aging Inappropriately 