Aging Inappropriately

Who said a woman has to age gracefully?

She’s Got Dimples On Her But She is Pretty

 

This week I received a Groupon offer for half off an anti-cellulite treatment. This isn’t the first time I’ve received an anti-cellulite offer. Cellulite is one of those things I’ve always thought women are just born with, whether we’re fat or skinny, young or old – right? I have always assumed cellulite was just there, lying dormant, until it manifests itself after too much cheese or Kentucky Fried Chicken, kind of like chicken pox and shingles. But now it seems I need a “treatment” for it, like it’s a disease or something.

I’ve had cellulite on my thighs since Lynda Carter was Wonder Woman. I’ll bet if you look close, even Wonder Woman had cellulite – she was no skin-flint you know. And did Wonder Woman waste time worrying if her cellulite was offending anyone when she was trying to save the world every week? I doubt it. Now after all these years I learn my cellulite is something so grotesque a treatment has been invented to eradicate it. Who is my cellulite offending anyway? Sure, I’ve got some dimples on my bum, but is that really hurting anyone? It’s not like I walk around in a bikini all day with my bumpy butt in anyone’s face.

I have to admit, after planning a beach vacation in a couple of months, I began to wonder if I shouldn’t at least look into this anti-cellulite treatment. But since I’m going to be on a beach in the southern hemisphere with absolute strangers, do I really care? Besides, other countries seem to be much more forgiving of women’s imperfections than Americans. I saw more cellulite on a nude beach in Jamaica than I care to remember, but they seemed okay with it, so what’s the big deal?

When I was little, and a bit of a roly-poly, my dad would sing, “She’s got dimples on her but she is pretty,” a twist on the old WWII-era song, “She’s got freckles on her but she is nice.” I giggled when he’d sing this song. When I was young, dimpled butts never had a negative association; I thought it was something that made me pretty. Then I grew up. And anti-cellulite treatments were invented. And anti-cellulite advertisements came into my inbox every other week. Is someone trying to tell me something?

I wish we could go back to the time when chunky women with a little cellulite on their thighs were the rage. During the Renaissance, women with a little extra dimpled junk-in-the-trunk were considered the ideal. Women not only didn’t concern themselves with such nonsense as anti-cellulite cream, but artists dedicated their entire lives to painting these voluptuous babes. I bet if you asked women from the Renaissance if they ever thought one day women would be pressured into spending hundreds of dollars for an anti-cellulite treatment, they’d tell you that was just plain silly. Which it is.

Right?

 

 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “She’s Got Dimples On Her But She is Pretty

  1. Right. But, do you have the number for that place, just in case?

  2. You can’t have dimples with all the cleanses you do. Oh. You mean me.

  3. Kirsten Macdissi on said:

    Lynda Carter wore support hose that could have held up the Empire State Building. Cellulite would’ve been squished into utter submission. But that’s not exactly an option on a beach vacation, or in fact for any time you want to breathe normally. I started wearing a skirted suit a few years ago, and I’m basically careful not to look in mirrors below the neck. But you still have a great figure–go for the bikini while you can. Don’t let a couple of dimples steal your joy. I say no to the cellulite treatments. On the other hand, my face has started sliding off my skull at an alarming rate just in the past six months (see how adroitly I switched the subject to me?) and part of me wants to open those Google messages with the old lady with the road-map face that say “77-year-old grandmother looks 27!!” Maybe the problem is really, how creepy is Google?

  4. I thought she word support hose – no fair. Oh well- dimples be damned!

  5. Funny article – great writing! Don’t fall for these hocus pocus lotions, Liz. They all inevitably become half-empty jars of broken promises. Ever notice how they are always advertised with violent terminology: battle cellulite, fight wrinkles, banish acne. These product pushers are always encouraging women to go to war against our own bodies. Just makes us feel bad about ourselves for no good reason. Now excuse me while I wash off my cucumber mint face mask and apply my SPF day cream with a moisture surge topper.

  6. I know! Everything out there is for us to look twenty. I’m not twenty. I’m never going to look that young again! Quit naggaing me about it already!
    (she says as she dabs on the under-eye oil)

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